I have so much I want to tell in this first post, where do I start? I’ll start with my childhood relationships and what’s shaped me to be who I am today. I wouldn’t say it’s one of those sad stories that some might have, but my relationship with my dad really took a big toll on me early on. It seemed like I was more of his archenemy than his son most days. I’d hear him turn onto our street and anticipate what I was about to at yelled at for today. Our relationship was hell, and I hated it felt like I would always put my mother in the middle our differences and force her to choose a side. As a kid it seemed as if he would purposely pick on me and pick at me to push my buttons to get a reaction out of me. Me and my father have similar tempers, so it seemed he always knew what to do or say to get me fired up and ready to argue. I found myself genuinely hating my father, like I despised him. I knew he was my father and “loved me” but the way he would show it was very unclear for me. The older I’ve gotten I’ve realized my wrongs in certain arguments we had and actually have realized he’s actually one of my hero’s in my life simply because all the unnoticed things he’s done. I know it’s hard to be a man, I know it’s hard to show people you love them in genuine ways, I know life is hard, but damn all I wanted was the father all other black people had on tv. Our rocky relationship forced me to become very closed off, develop an I don’t care attitude towards many things, and just not want to talk to anyone. I mean I was still sociable, but any personal conversations was basically off limits unless I considered you someone very close to me. Even then people I would tell information that was older would sometimes tell my mom or it would get back to my dad and it seemed as if me telling them was like telling the enemy, because I sometimes only wanted someone to just listen to me. I’m the type of person that doesn’t like many people getting to know me, so when I’m finally comfortable enough to express myself to someone and they do me wrong I feel so hurt. Me developing the I don’t care mentality was the worst thing that happened to me. It’s hard not caring when you have a big heart. I think it’s a cancer thing though, I’m just very passionate about anything that involves me. Through all of this I eventually found myself becoming closer to many other male figures in my life such as coaches, pastors, rap artist, and basically anyone that had a voice and expressed the love I was looking for in my father. As I’ve grown to know myself more, I’ve realized my wrongs and realized how my view on many things he did was somewhat immature. I didn’t realize he was only trying to show me love in the way he knew it, but that’s a story for another day.
Arkham thoughts is a place I really made up to show where I think all my thoughts go. It’s a play off Arkham asylum, I’m a huge Batman fan so this was really the perfect name for me. I think Arkham is the place in my head where my thoughts go and are held hostage from me. Many times I have to think myself through situations, and when I lose my train of thought I’ll say my thoughts have been sent to Arkham. My job is to break them out though and keep my mind healthy and free. The name Bruce Grayson is the name I gave my alter ego, he’s who I talk to on the daily. When I say I’m my own Best friend I mean it. Like I have inside jokes with my damn self and I’m comfortable with being alone because I know I have myself to keep me company. Bruce is the more rational, logical, and open-minded side of me, while Kory is the quick temper, funny, and outgoing side of me. I think days where I wake up and feel like not being bothered those are the days I’m Bruce more than Kory. It’s like I’d just rather enjoy my own company those days and dissect the things that’s going on in my life to make sure everything is still in order.
This post is a little all over the place, but this is honestly just how my mind works. My mind races from topic to topic eager to express what goes on. I think this is simply because I’m so closed off, so many people don’t know me and how I think, so when I’m intrigued into a topic I really want to put my input in for it. I hope this blog helps you know me more and show you what’s in store for the future of this brand. There will be many stories and thoughts I post about, some will be by Kory Harden, others will be by Bruce Grayson. Just depends on how I’m feeling that day, I’ll try to keep it mixed up though. I know this post was a long one but I promise to keep the content interesting & consistent. A quote I came up with about a month ago I want to share is “ A change in your mindset can be the key to your success” this means when things aren’t going right in life, take a step back and just collect your thoughts. Constantly thinking negative thoughts will only give you negative results, make positivity a priority in your life and watch how it’ll change for the better.